.what to do when you find yourself caught at a bellydance show.

A friend pointed me in the direction of a blog post the other day in which the author was freaking out (half for real, half for satire) about what was she supposed to do when a bellydancer came up to her table at this restaurant she and her friends had started going to recently. Included in her what-seemed-to-be-alcohol-fueled soliloquy were some suppositions about where bellydancers come from, why they dance in restaurants at all, and at least three comparisons to strippers.
Specifically - are bellydancers the people who failed out of stripper school?

That last was almost too stupid to respond to, but that's a big almost since we bellydancers hear it all the time.
So for the last time people (I wish...) - bellydancers do not take their clothes off during bellydance performances! And if you see someone who you think is a bellydancer doing so - she's not a bellydancer, she a stripper (or possibly a burlesque performer, which is also a very different thing from the other two. Also, you're probably only going to see strippers in strip clubs, or possibly bachelor parties if you have very nice friends who want to spend a lot of money*).
You see how they're called different things? 
IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT THINGS.
I know it's a difficult concept for some people, but if I went around selling people oranges and handing them apples I'd get some really bizarre side glances and more than a few comments about how I must be either crazy or stupid to have confused the two (also more than a few demands for refunds). Meanwhile if you hire a bellydancer for a private party hoping she's going to be taking her costume off - you are going to be SO disappointed I promise you.

Apples and Oranges - both fruit, but clearly only one is taking it's top off.

Now back to the main question - what do you do if you're eating at a restaurant and a bellydancer comes up to your table?

• Are you supposed to watch her dance? Yes! But only if you want to. If she's making you uncomfortable just ignore her - trust me, we're all adults and we can handle the rejection.
• If you do watch her, where are you supposed to look? Look where you want to. Seriously. We are completely aware that our hips are doing bizarre things in time to the music and that might attract your gaze. Basically that's intentional. We are trained professional entertainers. We expect you to look at us, look at what we're doing - I mean, check out the costuming: it's all colorful and spangly and jingly, clearly created to attract attention and show off particular sections of the body and the movements it's moving.
• Is she trying to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin by showing off so much of hers? No. That's just silly.
• Are you suppose to give her money? If you want to - it's not required but it's certainly appreciated. If you appreciate what she's doing and want her to dance near your table more - go ahead and hand her some money, or clap along with the music, or just smile. If you want to pay her to go away, hand her some money and very purposefully turn back to talking to your friends. If she's making you super uncomfortable and you don't want her around at all - once again, just ignore her. We're professionals, we can handle the rejection. We're not asking you out on a date. Also, your dancer will ususally let you know how to hand her the money - whether it be body tipping, tipping in hand or in a basket; just pay attention, if you're doing it wrong she'll let you know.
• Is the dancer trying to make moves on your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/child/whatever? No. Seriously, just no.

I could go over all the bits about years of training, the exorbitant cost of costuming, the hours of prep time for each individual gig - but that's boring.

In short, if you see a bellydancer and want to watch her, for goodness sake watch her. If you see a bellydancer and you are uninterested or uncomfortable, turn away and do something else. It's not that difficult.

You're welcome.

* And lets not confuse strippers with burlesque performers either - also very different things. In fact, if you're confused by any of this you had probably go take some bellydance classes and some burlesque dance classes and then go visit a strip club (or take strip dance classes if you can find them). You will first of all gain an invaluable amount of appreciation for how much work goes into each of these very different dance forms, as well as some much needed self confidence.
** I use she as a default only because I'm a female bellydancer, and in no way am I intending to discount or ignore the many wonderful and beautiful male bellydancers circulating the world - I love you all so much!