.sketchbook wednesday.

.February Goals.

I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions. A resolution that you have 12 months to accomplish just seems like a very ling time to forget to do anything at all. I used to, however, be really big on Monthly Goals.
So I guess, finally in February, that's my New Year's Resolution. To start doing Monthly Goals again.

Here we go, February:

• Daily drawing. And to that goal, I recently picked up a "One Sketch a Day" sketchbook. Started yesterday even:

Most of these will get posted to my Patreon site, for Patrons only; but I will give in an inch or so occasionally and do Wednesday sketchbook peeks if I feel like it.
• Weekly Illustration. Hopefully this will get me moving a little be faster on the Tarot Project. Or started on the "Portraits of my Cat" thing I'm thinking about starting. So many projects, so little time.
• GYM TIME! Three times a week, minimum.
• DANCE PRACTICE! Three times a week, minimum.

And I think that's quite enough.

.time sink.

Art takes time.
I think a lot of people who don't create art don't realize that - it's very easy to look at a finished piece and imagining it springing out of the creators mind into existence.
But I, as a creator, forget it quite often as well.

My plan yesterday was to leave work, go home and finish inking "The Sun", and get a little dance practice in before going to bed.

By the time I finished inking it was 9:30 and my whole evening had disappeared down an art rabbit-hole, leaving me no time for dance practice as my day job has me set for Old Man Bedtime. In short, what I thought was going to be a 2 hour ink job ended up being 5. Evening burned up.
No dance time for me.

There's a Work/Work/Life balance that I've been struggling with more lately than I have since college really - ever since I started this new job as Art Director, rather than Artist. Longer hours, less free time during the day, and longer hours. Plus shiny new kinds of emotional stress. Despite what some think - art is not easy. Art is hard. Art is work. Continuous ongoing work with no retirement plan.

Ideally, I'd like to be self employed someday. With that in mind, there's this:

 

You can sponsor me and my art at Patreon.

And patronage comes with Prizes!

Of course I'm ever so grateful for all and any support. And patronage can be cancelled at any time, so if you only want to make a one time donation, you can cancel and only pay for the first month. Patronage of any kind will also give you access to Patreon Exclusive content - videos, sketchbook drawings, and minute rants on on being an Artist and Performer in the Midwest.

And even if you can't donate - spread the word!

Thanks!

.mermaid battle.

This is not nearly as exciting as the title makes it sound.

Several years ago (read ten) my godmother asked me if I would create a painting for her. Of a mermaid. Based on a painting she'd seen in Key West, where she spends a lot of time. Being in a tizzy of post graduation triumph, I agreed - after all she's FAMILY.

 But then I moved to Missouri and started doing other things and really didn't want to go about repainting someone else's work. And I either got a reminder ot started inquiring out of guilt about what else she wanted in the painting - just a mermaid or...? And there was a list of different fish, which I promptly lost.

Finally last February I reupped and got the list of fish - which had grown exponentially into a list of fish and birds and trees and things, and my brain kind of died a little but I made a digital sketch which she approved (except could I add a guy on a boat) and then my brain died a little more.

Because that's a lot of stuff in a very large painting. And because everything I've been doing has been pretty abstract.
And I put it away again because it was too overwhelming.

And today I took the plunge - prepped the canvas, gridded it, laid out the "things," restretched re:boiling water, and I'm about to put on the first layer of this clear gesso I picked up today on a hunch.

And my plan is to post weekly updates until it's finished in order to keep myself on task.
Because I am overwhelmed.

.and then I started ranting again.

When I was in high school, I got a little obsessed with late 19th Century British poetry. I was not an expert in it, I couldn't rattle on about the themes and how they were effected by the history of the period - I just kind of fell in love with some of it and took to memorizing bits because I was a melodramatic teenager and it seemed like the thing to so.
One of my favorites was and still is "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley, keeping in mind that five minutes ago I couldn't have told you the name of the poem or who wrote it if my life depended of it - but thanks to the interwebs I can type in the lines that are stuck forever in my brain and Whammo! there's the information I was looking for:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

It's those last two lines that resonate the strongest (as they were probably meant to): I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. 
Or in my own personal vernacular - Screw you, I'm going to do what I want; and you can go fuck yourself if you think you have any control over that. 
Clearly William's phrasing is way more eloquent, but I never claimed to be a writer, let alone a poet.
(Ok, I did at one point as a teenager claim to be both a writer and a poet, but looking back that was a horrible horrible mistake that my teachers were kind enough to gloss over for me. Mostly I think they were happy that I was trying to do anything at all.)

We live in a fairly autonomous society (sort of). Obviously, there are definite societal taboos, and a few laws that are more than a good idea; but for the most part, you can attempt to do whatever you want with your life. People run away and join the circus, have pet tigers, and paint their houses rainbow colors. Is any of that usual? Not so much. Did their parents and peers endorse any of that? Probably not. And yet...
And here's my really awkward transition.

There are quite a few people in the world posing as teachers who seem to think that because they gave a person a bit of knowledge that they then control anything that student does with it.
And I call bullshit.
Once a piece of knowledge is in your brain or body, it is yours to do with as you please. Is it a good idea? Not necessarily. But this is how our culture and knowledge and science and art have progressed throughout the span of history - a teacher brings an idea, a student takes that idea and makes it their own and builds upon it, and then passes the thing on to the next student who hopefully does the same. And this is where really excellent teaching comes in - with critical thinking skills and history and context and societal views. I do believe that it's important to learn the rules before you start breaking them - but without a little rule breaking and innovation we'd still be in the Dark Ages - and I prefer modern medicine and HBO.
And Doctor Who.

looking back / looking forward

Quite a few people I know had particularly bad years in 2011, and mine was no picnic. But there was also a lot of really good stuff that happened.
Focusing on the positive:

• I taught quite a bit - not only classes and Salons but actual workshops, and got booked for my first workshop teaching out of the state of Missouri.
• I got engaged, and had a kidney stone. In the same week.
• I learned to better recognize the symptoms of being Glutened. I also got better at talking to waitstaff at restaurants about the food I was ordering.
• Lots of dancing. Lots. Workshops, private parties, big Festivals, Stage Shows, and Club Bellydance with the BDSS.
• Lots of art. I refined my illustration style even more, and started painting again, and might have even booked a gallery show.
• I played with aerial dance. Not enough, but classes are expensive, and I really need to work on my upper body strength more before I sink more cash into it. But still, it was super awesome.
• I wrote! Over 25,000 words of a story....then I threw it away to start over. This will be a serious project for 2012. And by serious I mean intensive, but ultimately personal.
• I canceled my wedding! Best.Decision.Ever
• I completed two Sketchbook Projects.

For 2012, it's pretty simple. I'd like to continue on the track I seem to have started in 2011. Working on my art, all of my art. Dancing, teaching, painting, illustrating. I also want to work more on taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. I'm thinking of it as a Year of Transformation. And I'm going to make it be Awesome.

.weekend.goals.

Next weekend, by some fortuitous nock of chance, I have a lovely five day weekend. I would like to spend at least 70% of my waking time with friends, or Finally playing Skyrim. The other 30% of my time will be spent cooking food for Thanksgiving Feast Day!

So I have to get a bunch of stuff done this weekend, mostly things I've been avoiding for the last two weeks....
• Unpack three suitcases - 2 from FaerieCon, 1 from East Meets West
• Finish 2 paintings
• Make a bunch of bindi and other extraneous jewelry
•' Clean the House (which my lovely fiance will be assisting me with)

I like goals.